To understand domestic abuse and the way that it is a part of so many of our lives, even if we don’t always know it when we see it, we have to look at abusive behaviour and see how it was seen in the past and how many of us grow up today with the same way of looking at it.

Violence is not about a problem in a relationship. Believing it is a problem in a relationship is what makes many people think that the ‘victim’ might be to blame and could do something to stop it.

Over time violence has become thought of as being masculine and manly. Lots of films, TV programmes, adverts and even magazines and fairy stories, show a ‘macho’ or big and strong man. A ’Macho Man’ will fight, not walk away, that is what is seen as being a real man. Men are told to be strong and tough, they are taught that to fight and be powerful is the way they should be.

What we know today is domestic abuse, was seen in the past to be the ‘normal’ way for men to treat the women in their lives. It was even written about, as though it was normal.

This is an old English proverb:

“A spaniel, a woman and a hickory tree,
The more ye beat them the better they be”

This has been translated from Russian:

“A wife may love a husband who never beats her,
But she doesn’t respect him”

In British common law, not too long ago, women were still seen as the property of men. They ‘belonged’ to their fathers and then when they got married they ‘belonged’ to their husbands. Most people will have heard at a wedding, the question, “who gives this woman?“, as if she is an object to be passed from one man to another.

Husbands were told it was ok to punish their wives with any reasonable object. The rules were changed later to – it was OK to beat your wife as long as the stick you used was no thicker than a man’s thumb! In America, the rights to beat your wife, were still around into the 20th century, giving men and women the message that women were ‘owned’ by men. An American judge even said:

“If no permanent injury has been inflicted, nor malice nor dangerous violence shown by the husband, it is better to draw the curtain, shut out the public gaze, and leave the parties to forget and forgive”

Domestic abuse can be actual or threatened physical, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse, which takes place within the context of any close relationship, usually partners or ex-partners.

It arises from a misuse of power and exercise of control by one person over another. As well as physical violence, domestic abuse can involve a wide range of abusive and controlling behaviour, including threats, harassment, financial control and emotional abuse.

Definition of domestic abuse

The shared ACPO, Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) and government definition of
domestic abuse  is: ‘any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults, aged 18 and over, who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender and sexuality.’

(Family members are defined as mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents, whether directly related, in-laws or step-family.

Or

Domestic abuse is used to maintain power and control over another person. It is the physical, emotional,
sexual or financial abuse of one person, by another person with whom they are having, or have had an intimate or close relationship. Physical violence is only one aspect of domestic abuse and abuser’s behaviour can vary from being very brutal and degrading to small actions that leave you humiliated. Those living with domestic abuse are often left feeling isolated and exhausted.

Power and Control Wheel

A tool has been developed to describe the behaviours used by abusive partners. This is the Duluth power andcontrol wheel.

Why was the Power and Control Wheel created?

In 1984, staff at the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) began developing curricula for groups for men who abused women. They wanted a way to describe abuse for victims, offenders, practitioners in the criminal justice system and the general public.  After listening to the stories and asking questions, they documented the most common abusive behaviours or tactics that were used against these women. The tactics chosen for the wheel were those that were most universally experienced by abused. women.

Why did they call it the Power and Control Wheel?

The words “power and control” are in the center of the wheel. An abuser systematically uses threats, intimidation, and coercion to instill fear in their partner. These behaviours are the spokes of the wheel. Physical and sexual violence holds it all together—this violence is the rim of the wheel.

How is the Power and Control Wheel used?

The wheel is used in many settings and can be found in manuals, books, articles, and on the walls of agencies that seek to address domestic abuse.

Many groups use the Power and Control Wheel. Participants can point to each of the tactics on the wheel and clearly explain how these behaviours were used against them. They are able to see that
they are not alone in their experience and more fully understand how their abuser could exert such control over them.

The wheel is also used in education groups for those  who abuse their partners. It  helps group participants identify the tactics they use. and for those who are motivated to change to explore the beliefs that contribute to their behaviour. The Power and Control Wheel is used in conjunction with the Equality Wheel to help group participants see alternate ways of being in a relationship with a, free of violence and controlling behaviour.

The wheel makes the pattern, intent and impact of violence and abuse visible.

click here to see power and control wheel

click here to view the equality wheel which describes healthier relationships